just after midnight actually...
Woken by a wierd dream.. no bearning on reality, but has me thinking
about past life compared to present, and why I am where I am....
As in all things, no pure reason, a mix of history..
Life is like that... but when I boil it all down, again I realize how
good my misfortune has been....
and I know it's origins now, not blind anymore...
30 years ago I was trying to get a farm and tools, and set up to be
self sufficient, organic, have a family etc. did good, considering
the 80's, did bad due to the defects of others combined with my own,
and naieve about both... had tractors and tools, getting my trip
together, and had it trashed by humanity in general, and a few people
in perticular, and all because I didnt understand a few basic facts
about human nature, including my own....
Well, that was long ago, and far away, and those people have been
edited from my life, but I'm still traveling with the me element,
and at least making ocasional progress on it....
I also consider myself extremely lucky for having learned what I have,
and having gotten to where I am, in spite of all the losses...
I've realized more how the universe actually operates, and I realized
how screwed up humans are, including myself, and thats the guy I can
do something about... woking towards perfection is like a trip to the
far blue mountains in the distance, and knowing you'll never get there
in a lifetime, but that the journey is magic, and if I can make it
even to the foothills, it will be nice, and I'll find springs of cool
clean water, and shady groves to lie in, back against solid trees of
majestic stature, and fertile medows to build my garden in..
life is too short to learn it all and really succed, but a good start,
and a journey on a trail of my own making has its rewards....
I feel extremely fortunant to have made it this far, and past the
lions of the plains, and to be positioned so very well for whats
coming, and to understand it....
I have seen that my bad experiences and my reactions have at least
prepared me for the extreme struggle ahead, and know there is a
slight chance of making it to a land beyond even my dreams..
so I let go of the baggage of the past, continue to learn, and feel
thankful for those who taught me things along the way....
Some long dead for centuries.. Some still living, some who taught out
of good will, and others who taught the bad way....
I see the current reality for what it is and why its that way... I've
been given clues as to where its all going, and am more than thankful
for them....
If things had gone well for me back then, it would have been worse
for me in whats coming....
I feel incredibly fortunant to have figured out the bible, Enoch etc.
to understand the Tao, to have been influenced by juvinile creative
fiction into mentals paths that are good....
to have made it past so much...
well, I cant save the world, but I have tried to do things to point
out the truth, and I have tried to help others along the way, with
mixed success..
trying counts...
we have a screwed up world... we have busy bodies with their noses
where they dont belong, and we have assholes on power trips causing an
apocalypse, but there is a far side to it....
and with how the universe actually works, and what the game really is,
I know they will get their rewards in full....
I am thankful....
I have much more than I need, I should be able to help others, and
hope to do so....
yesterday I ate banana bread, and the day before... pretty good,
considering living in what most would consider horrible poverty..
and I have more bananas for today, and I and dog will eat well
again...
living simple has its rewards... Lower stress, more happiness, and
better prepared for whats ahead...
I'm pleased to have learned recently how well baking on leaves
works... after a life of bannock often stuck to the pan, I have come
full circle, and refound a way to have a better way... Extreme retro,
but it works so very well...
its a small thing, but fun & rewarding...
it wont make me a fortune, but fortunes will soon be meaningless, and
having a way to eat better will be important...
and knowledge is light cargo in one's refugee pack..
40% of the planet is still wild, and the rest soon to be devastated..
where do I want to be?
Well, my back is against the mountains... and my garden overlooks the
valley of devastation...
I am well prepared....
inside & out...
I have much more than I need... and still time to better prepare...
I will be able to help others...
I do help others..
I heard a Christian broadcast yesterday, listening out of boredom..
but a guy was talking about no matter how hard he tries to be better,
he fails every time.. there is some honesty... there is a man worth
appreciating warts and all....
and it encourages me to keep trying also... failure is normal, to try
and try and keep trying is success within itself...
its like my trying to learn guitar in my 50's.... its the failures
leading me to success.... and success is judged best in small
terms... no Trump Towers....
but banana bread on leaves is what I'd rather have anyway... To be
more one with my universe, not trying to dominate it with my vanity...
I have done well in this blog.. Information that can save people... If
nobody reads it, its not because I didnt try.... I may not be some
important person, but I have done my part...
anyway, so begins another day....
--
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