about midnight really... woke rested, built a fire,
fed the dog, gave her a few hugs...
thats whats important to me, the simple stuff... Its pretty much what
I have left in life...
I really dont qualify for the mating game anymore.. Too burnt
emotionally, too many years living in peace via being alone & learning
solitude to be an undisputacious friend... solitude has never
insulted or tried to hurt me... never attempted to manipulate me or
twiddle me emotionally... solitude has never expected me to pay the
bill.....
I've lived so long, so alone, so humble, that I have problems dealing
with people's Fatland attitudes...
I also feel I'm doing some woman the favor of not having to put up
with me.. and I appreciate the same from her... what I lack in
closeness and affection, is more than made up by not have deal with
somebody else's garbage dumping emotions and opinions.. alone, I
can be me with no critics...
When one lives alone, its chop the wood, carry the water, cook, do the
dishes, and think about the world outside the trail into the house...
yesterday heard a thing on radio Netherlands about 25 years after the
Bopal genocide courtesy of Union Carbide, now owned by Dow Chemical
co.
sleaze and greed fascism... the ranchers are going to have a field
day with those monsters... Guillotines would be too good for the
sleaze bags in government and the boardroom who did the dirty deeds
quick & low....
made me glad my chemical/government support footprint is so small...
made me wish I could make it smaller...
Solitude has become wholesome and sane in comparison to the world....
Solitude has no attitude of vanity, no excessive pride, no big ego
trips.... its just the basics, breathing, cycling some food thru the
body, the chores, bathing, and some time to think... solitude savors
my guitar practice, registers the smallest amount of progress learning
the skills of instrumental expression...
Solitude is truthful & respectful... it never mouths off... alone I
can feel good watching a giant ant, or talking to a friendly lizard
that has no fear of me... they jump on me, they climb up my back,
they get in my hair for a ride... and never tell me how screwed up I
am....
alone I can be less screwed up, less stressed, less hurt... I can
just be myself....
solitude is painless once you let go of the people....
I spent so many years alone... without decent communications....
then I get modern communications, and soon burnt out on the
bickering... I was better off alone... have decided to cut back on
my communications some... Too much communication isnt good... it
makes you realize the futility of dealing with egos... idealism is
the result of not understanding how bad we really all are...
I love to communicate... But I dont find the results impressive..
talking with the dog is more fulfilling than trying to communicate
with humans...
silence is sanity...
And the world is a bedlam of noise... human noise....
me? i like to blend in to nature, wear earthtones, walk without
stepping on things... I hear the bugs, I know fruit by it's
sound.... I've used an axe so many years I have to remember to focus
to maintain accuracy.. too relaxed... my axe has its handle
unmarked by splitting, even though I split wood daily... I seldom
have to sharpen it, because I'm careful to not dull it...
I'm well harmonized with solitude...
--
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