heard radio Russia, doing a religious broadcast....
That was strange...
everything is messed up due to time change, stations also change
frequencies for winter propagations now.... so all my usual programs
went away, and now several weeks of exploring the bands to find out
whats available to me........
I like listening to all kinds of stuff... so a new diet is
disconcerting for awhile, but I usually find new stuff I like....
later, almost midnight, woke, things wet, creeks roaring, while I
slept like a baby....
Thinking about Alex Jones on short wave, dirty laundry
specialist.... getting not popular w/status quo,,,, so evidently
getting popular with more of the people.. He wouldnt be a
threat to them if they were honest... I have come to dislike
politics of any sort... and I have also come to value descention
(sp?).... I dont have to agree with people to be able to listen
intently to them.. one of the benefits of being a life long short
wave listener, is I have heard alot of propaganda, and I know it by
smell.. and these days I hear more and more of it... News spun
like cotton candy, and after 50+ years of observing humans, I tend
to like people for their good sides, and am totally disgusted by their
shit, and am honest enough to know I need a little improvement
myself..... I'm done expecting decency... if I see it or get it,
I'll apreciate it, but I'm done expecting it.... I've learned if you
expect shit you wont be long disapointed waiting....
I'm a fairly worthless individual.... but it isnt because I dont
try... its because most of the time when I do try, I get shit on
somehow, and figured it out, and adapted accordingly.... people who
are disaffected, didnt start out that way... They started out as kids
with all the normal reactions, and the disaffection is the result of
environment..
I've seen and known some pretty decent folk in my life... i've been
taught alot of things... I've learned alot more... and most of it
hasnt been pretty... treachery is common....
and its one of the reasons I have learned to appreciate solitude...
I wish we were better... and all I can do is try to not be at my
own worst unconsciously...
It all boils down to self centeredness.. Thats where we fall down....
anyway, the other side of the living alone dichotomy, is you tend to
be less of a problem to others too....
and thats sad..... that the only way to escape the shit, is to lose
the companionship....
nothing aint worth nothing, but its free....
and I learned long ago I was happiest exploring nature with a dog for
companionship.... Then I discovered a horse made a good addition to
the team.... I think a woman could be a good companion, if you could
unplug her from the society... like the desert island situation...
but trying to be with a woman connected to society, is like trying to
sit in an electric chair....
so these days I keep the dog from being lonely, and the woman who
could be my companion is watching TV some where, and living out of a
refrigerator, and getting old.....
And I have learned not to give a shit.... I'm happy enough with the dog...
a day alone is a day of peace....
sometimes I dont leave my mountain for months...
i make a pretty good loner, and am getting better at it.... I think
I'll be alone until the TV and refrigerators all go dead....
shouldnt be long from the looks of things.... A few years at most...
the liars are busy insuring that day...
Who knows, maybe I can catch some TV zombie woman when the crash
comes? "Just waking up dear?" no TV, no refrigerator? my thats
sad....
lately I'm learning to let go of desire in the future....
if I have no desire, I have no problems.... Letting go of outcomes is
a relief.... I just decide on a course, and work towards it...
getting somewhere, achieving results, begins to seem almost
accidental... when I give up on the schedule, and just stay my
course, the trip becomes lighter emotionally... outcome becomes an
eventuality, not a desire.... its something I learned solo
sailing.... after getting beat back often enough, you just learn to
be resolute about the course, and let go of the desire for the
goal... its want that hurts, and good habits that help..
so now days I head in general directions... I dont ask when are we
going to get there?, I just sail when theres wind, and consider
getting beat back as something normal.... its an impersonal universe,
and one little ego in the sea of stars...
--
Sent from my mobile device
No comments:
Post a Comment